The Undeniable Beauty of Something
by The Orator
Summary: AH HAH HAH--A Kurt/Amanda fic and there's nothing you can do about it.


The moonlight made long swatches of cold against the bare, dim face of the old ice cream shop. The window hung slightly ajar, a chill breeze hissing through the blinds.  
  
The two sitting inside didn't notice.  
  
They were sitting at a table near the south wall, ice creams untouched. Amanda looked deep into Kurt's eyes, or tried to, because he kept looking at the wall. Finally, Amanda got sick of attempting to catch that elusive gaze.  
  
"Hey, Kurt, is something wrong?"  
  
"Eet's too quiet."  
  
"That's the point. What's romantic about dodging tyrannosaurs and screaming and all that stuff? This is a date!"  
  
"No, you don't understand," Kurt waved to the surrounding area, "Look at vhere ve are. Eet's too nice, too pastoral. Eet should be a leetle more dramatic."  
  
"But . . . why? I like nice."  
  
"Za ratink of zees fic ees PG-13 and eet's angst. Zees ees about as angsty as . . . as . . . eatink ice cream." Kurt tapped his fingers against the table. "So . . . I'm just vaitink for sometink awful to happen."  
  
"Uh, whatever happened to, you know, build up, enjoying the moment?" She reached over and tenderly took his hands. "I love you, Kurt."  
  
He tugged his hands back and stuck them in his lap, "No, no. You're supposed to say zat after I'm mortally vounded, not now!"  
  
"Right. Um . . . aren't you a little worried that I'll be the one mortally wounded, not you?"  
  
"Vhy vould zat happen? I'm za uber-picked on vun."  
  
"Think about it. The Kurtty people are up in arms."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Silence for a moment. Amanda stirred her ice cream with a spoon, examining the chocolate sprinkles suspiciously. "You know, if you're that worried about the rating, you could always let out a string of swear words to raise it a little."  
  
"Nah. I tink I vill just seet here and tink about bananas."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Bananas are pretty angsty."  
  
The door opened slowly, an eerie yellowish luminance leaking in around a small, sinisterly dark figure. Both Kurt and Amanda leap to their feet in anticipation. The figure made an odd noise, like an unearthly shriek (or maybe an unearthly hiccup), took several steps forward, and shut the door behind it. The luminance died away and the figure ceased to be a featureless shadow. Instead, it was a rather short kid with stark black eyes, a book under his arm, and a clipboard.  
  
He cleared his throat, "Amanda, Kurt, right?"  
  
"Ja. Who are you?"  
  
The little guy stuck out his hand, presumably to shake. "Rafael Don. I'm the 'substitute angst element.' See, generally I just book the angst elements. But the bananas were wandering off in the Alps, Magneto is busy, all the tragic flaws are unavailable tonight, and Friends of humanity are having some kind of buffet. So," he shrugged, "I'm filling in."  
  
Kurt and Amanda exchanged glances, ignoring the proffered hand. "That's . . . great. But can we get started? I mean, you're late as it is."  
  
"Right, right. Sit down." They did. Rafael sat on the edge of an adjoining table, setting the clipboard on one of the chairs. He pulled out the book, flipped it open, and began to read. "We are the hollow men, we are the stuffed men . . . ."  
  
"Vait a moment!"  
  
Black eyes flicked up in annoyance, "Excuse me?"  
  
"Zees ees not angst!"  
  
"I think T. S. Eliot's as angsty as you can get."  
  
"No, no. You are supposed to be a villain, not read poetry! Zat's not vhat angst elements do!"  
  
"Oh. Sorry." Rafael put the book on the table, page side down. "Hmmmm. Well. I know some judo. I could belittle romance in particularly disparaging terms."  
  
Kurt threw up his hands in disgust, "Don't you have any undying hatreds, grudges, uncontrollable urges? Dangerous povers?"  
  
"Well, I do have football and rap, especially when placed together. And I have an awful hiccup. I'd rather not use my powers on you, though. It messes up my circulation."  
  
"Oh, just let him read the poetry, Kurt."  
  
"Fine." Kurt folded his arms, waiting.  
  
  
-------------------------------------------  
  
  
"This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but a whimper."  
  
Kurt and Amanda stared at Rafael, mouths gaping open.  
  
"Man, I'm not goink to sleep tonight."  
  
"My life seems so worthless now. I think I'm going to go hide under my bed and cry."  
  
Rafael smiled, shutting the book. "See, I told you. Glad I could be of service. Wasn't that better than mindless violence and gushy speeches?"  
  
Kurt buried his head in his arms and sobbed.  
  
Rafael grinned widely, saluted, and left. 


End file.
